I remember my childhood - a heady mixture of innocence and enthusiasm, where the future was the next five minutes. This was long before the days of my adolescent health problems and back when I had a feeling of both myself and the world being bulletproof.
Of course pretty much wherever any child grows up in the world; summer leaves some indelible memories emblazoned in the mind like the sun that shone in them. A couple of weeks ago I had the rather pleasant experience of getting the chance to relive one such memory again.
I was playing chess for Yorkshire in a church hall situated in a rather picturesque English village. Outside the sun shone brightly, the temperature was in the low 20s and a gentle breeze just took the edge off the heat; and made it a glorious summer day.
Outside the back of the hall there was a suitably large village park. Emanating from it was the happy sound of children playing amongst the trees and on the park's slides and swings. Across the other side a game of village cricket was taking place with 11 fielders and 2 batsmen dressed in pristine white. All around people in deckchairs with picnic hampers filled to the brim with sandwiches and cold drinks; politely applauded good shots and the fall of wickets. This picture was occasionally added to by the gentle tune of an ice-cream van playing, which was always closely followed by squeals of delight from excited children - It was a little piece of English perfection.
I have had little to raise my spirits in 2009, but I can honestly say that the whole scene brought a not inconsiderable amount of joy to my heart for a few minutes. It was like I was 7 years old again and all the cares of the world had simply been washed away.
Ah Nostalgia - It isn't what it used to be...
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
A Plan of Action
I have three weeks of the current University term left. The name of the game is simply to get to March 20th in one working piece. It occurred to me recently that when I have been in such situations before (in other words trying to maintain my health whilst involved in academia)I have adopted a back-foot approach. This time I intend to take a much more positive approach.
1) I have a GP appointment on Tuesday morning to review my current health status
2) I plan to get my two written assessments for this term completed by the end of next week. As a result of this, as soon as my final week exam is over I will be able to rest.
3) I am doing some moderate physical exercise. I am attending the gym and completing my two weights sessions each week. I will continue this unless my GP advises otherwise.
4) Further to this I am back on my gym diet. I had a real collapse of my willpower re my diet for a couple of weeks. That has been brought back under control.
5) As many early nights as possible
That should hopefully suffice. If I can make it to Easter successfully then I will be having the break that I had planned for the Christmas vacation.
The countdown starts now.
1) I have a GP appointment on Tuesday morning to review my current health status
2) I plan to get my two written assessments for this term completed by the end of next week. As a result of this, as soon as my final week exam is over I will be able to rest.
3) I am doing some moderate physical exercise. I am attending the gym and completing my two weights sessions each week. I will continue this unless my GP advises otherwise.
4) Further to this I am back on my gym diet. I had a real collapse of my willpower re my diet for a couple of weeks. That has been brought back under control.
5) As many early nights as possible
That should hopefully suffice. If I can make it to Easter successfully then I will be having the break that I had planned for the Christmas vacation.
The countdown starts now.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I say it best...when I say nothing at all
As a person who has never been renowned as being short of a few words to say; the above title may come as something of a surprise. Right now though I feel that it is only fair for me to admit that at the moment I am in the grip of a communication problem.
At the moment I feel like a man who simply has no suitable means to communicate with his partner. I never imagined that such an extraordinary state of affairs could happen to me. However, I have always believed that big events are an accumulation of smaller ones. That seems to be exactly what has happened here. Let's take each of them one at a time.
Firstly, I am still extremely upset at some comments by her; that were alluded to in an earlier post. When I say I'm upset I am in no way angry, annoyed or even exasperated. I am simply purely upset; to the point where I cannot even think of her words without either breaking down or feeling like I am about to. This alone has badly shaken my communicative capacity towards her.
I have also wilted under the cumulative effect of various stereotypical comments that preceded the one referred to above. Furthermore, as alluded to in an earlier post, I kept running into brick walls. These walls took the form of her certainty on various matters on which I was seemingly unable to get her to consider possible alternative ways of viewing an issue. As a result of failing to accomplish what I saw as such a basic task I retreated further into silence.
Furthermore, I have exacerbated the problem by my own actions. On various occasions I have posted what I felt to be humorous status updates on MSN Messenger and Facebook. Each time my partner was not happy with them and my immediate response was to change them without question. I was aware that this could be setting a dangerous precedent, but at the respective times I could not think of another course of action. I therefore silently did I was told/requested.
Finally, over the last couple of months there has been a general increase in cessation of various forms of communication for what can best be termed ‘security reasons’. As a result of all this I simply cannot think of any practical, general or humorous to say. Therefore, in line with the old adage of not being able to think of anything good to say; I say nothing.
In life there is being pushed and allowing yourself to be pushed. Whatever amount of responsibility that people perceive that I should bear for the above; I will gladly accept. Accepting responsibility for my shortcomings, perceived or real, has rarely been a problem. This silence though, both my own and that of my relationship, is draining me to the bitter dregs.
I just hope that now rock bottom seems to have been hit, that I can start picking the matter back up again.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
25 Facts
I very much enjoyed writing the following; in response to a facebook note. I am therefore reproducing an unedited copy of the original work here.
Rules:
Once you've been tagged, write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.... Blah blah blah....(Ps. I copied this intro from various other posts - the views reflected in it do not necessarily reflect the views of Paul Hopwood. Anything that suggests otherwise is purely coincidental)
1) I have four platonic friendships. Two are with males and two are with females. Three of the people do not even know that they are on the list and the fourth is not aware of who the other three are.
2) Contrary to mass popular belief, chess is not my favourite hobby. I somewhat prefer to play 9-ball pool. I watched 'The Colour of Money' as a kid and was bowled over by the sheer adrenalin rush that can result from the game. The possibility of playing eight consecutive excellent shots and blowing it all by a slight mistake on the ninth is something that I find supremely exciting.
3) I have an adopted teenage son called 'Snuffles' who is a Dragon that I 'acquired' whilst on a school holiday in Wales in 1993. He has just sat his GCSE mocks and I am proud to say that he got significantly better results than I did. His knowledge of all matters relating to thermodynamics is incredible...
4) Despite my supposedly 'legendary calmness'; numerous medical professionals have suggested that my method of using significant quantities of my nervous energy to keep calm when under stress MIGHT not ALWAYS be such a good idea. Therefore all those people who wish they had my temperament may like to think that in fact they MIGHT have the right approach to life after all!
5) I am very proud of being English, but sadly as the years pass I can come up with less reasons as to why that is.
6) For sheer wisdom; I wish I was Indian or Chinese. Virtually every person I have ever met from these two countries has had wisdom far beyond their years, whether they were nine or ninety. As a teenager I was regularly told that I was 'fourteen going on forty', but being English that would make me 'The One-Eyed Man'...
7) From my psychology degree the most important lesson I learnt was that in life there is rarely a big difference between people; there are mainly small but significant ones. For instance, when I did a work placement in a psychiatric hospital; I worked with clients with borderline personality disorder. These were people who had such sensitive emotions that whenever something bad happened, no matter how small, they would slide into anger and depression. I learnt that the only difference between myself and them was that whenever something bad happened to me: I was able to get a rational thought in before reacting to the emotional impulse.
8) I invariably cry at any romantic movie I enjoy. The record so far is seven times during a Bollywood movie called 'Kal Ho Naa Ho'. In this movie the lead character has a heart-related problem; and five days later I collapsed with pericarditis! The moral of that story is don't watch such heart-wrenching movies three days before your Statistics exam...
9) The basic influence of 'The psychology of numbers' has always concerned me. Many times when I have run into a serious problem in life; it is because the majority believe that they are right for no other reason than the fact that they are the majority.
10) Further to the previous point, there is a slight variation where the majority think they are right (as opposed to what one person knows) because of stereotypical thinking. Humour aside, stereotypical thinking is lazy; because instead of thinking of someone as an individual, a stereotype can be used by a person to do the thinking for him or her.
11) My favourite saying is that of La Rochefacould - "We possess more strength than will and we consider things to be beyond out strength, merely to justify ourselves in our own eyes". In other words, people know that they could do things better and there is no good reason why they shouldn't. Instead they make up excuses for themselves not doing so. That's why as far as possible I try and improve myself; and don't make excuses for my shortcomings. I firmly believe that the points 9-11 inclusive hold the key to a potentially much better world.
12) I am agnostic in the scientific sense; in other words I am unsure as to whether nature was created naturally or supernaturally. I have read the key texts of three main Monotheisms (cue indignant responses as to what they are!) and was unable to find one shred of evidence to convince me as to why I should even consider the possibility of their particular definition of 'God' (cue more indignant responses!).
13) As a caveat to the previous point; I follow the George Carlin Theory that if there is a God then they must be a man, because no woman would have ever messed existence up so badly.
14) My byword is 'objectivity' - flows quite reasonably from some of the previous points methinks!
15) Given that I tend to be far better at something than I need to be, or not good enough; I intend to call my autobiography (oh, delusions of grandeur!) something like 'Searching for the Middle Ground'. Fortunately I was blessed with an ability to learn very quickly; and so I can usually transfer attributes from the latter to the former quite quickly. The notable exception to this is my ability to play squash, which despite a whole year of regular practice; remained fantastically mediocre.
16) Beauty is a subjective matter in any form: For me the greatest type of physical beauty is that of the natural variety - people who are truly beautiful and that is the way that nature intended them to look, with no artificial aids. I have only ever come across three people who adequately fulfil this definition.
17) IMO the greatest type of internal beauty is that of people who possess an open, honest and engaging personality. As well as this, they adhere to my favourite (and as far as I can see most accurate) definition of general intelligence; namely someone who is fully aware of the extent of their ignorance in this life. Once again I have met very few people who fit this definition; and it is no surprise to me that most of them are not English (see point 6)!
18) I consider myself incalculably lucky that my partner fits into the definitions given in points 16 and 17.
19) In my experience, Emotional Intelligence is the one quality that people think they possess in abundance; when in actual fact it is the one attribute of personality that they are significantly lacking.
20) I am firm believer in the overall superiority of the female race. I was fairly well sold on the idea before my psychology degree; and upon completion of it I was convinced. I will duly supply some evidence:
a) On average females are born with two billion more brain cells (14 as opposed to 12); b) faster and greater maturity in very early childhood and overall throughout adolescence; c) right from the moment of conception the female zygote is outperforming the male version - all foetuses are female up to the age of 12 weeks, until the male 'y' chromosone does or doesn't kick in; d) Female intuition - I am very proud of my own intuition, but my personal experience with this particular female attribute has left me under no illusions that I am a distinct second best.
There are many other points, but the above form the crux of my reasoning.
21) However, there is a caveat to the previous point that very few people have picked up on. The caveat is that the words 'on average' need to be included in the equation. A high-performing male can surpass an under-performing female.
22) I truly wish that I had a talent, or even just an ability, that wasn't cognitive/cerebral. Having played chess for over 14 years; one point that has always struck me as rather sad is that I can only share the internal joy of the game with fellow chess players. Witnessing my partner's sister play the piano was what really brought this point home to me. Even though I cannot play a musical instrument, I could still appreciate the ability that was on display.
23) Further to the previous point, I don't believe that my cognitive capabilities are exceptional talents. For instance, my ability to calculate large numbers in my head involves the same basic mathematical functions that everyone I know has been taught. The small but significant difference is simply that I practiced them more at an early age.
24) I have a collection of nicknames; the primary one being Hoppers, which I have had since starting school. Over the years I have been christened with various other sobriquets: Chessy/IQ/TWTD (The Walking Talking Dictionary)/The Posh Yorkshireman. The latest one is 'Paro', after a character in a Bollywood movie who calculated how long her love was away from her in various units of time.
25) I make it one of my goals in life to keep putting across various messages that I believe to be of utmost importance. The first (in line with previous points) is that not knowing is fine, but ignorance is not. As far as is reasonably possible I will point ignorance out; and fully expect to have my own pointed out. The second is that as a rule stereotypical thinking is fundamentally a bad idea. Finally, relationships on whatever level (love/platonic/friendship) are all to be treasured in their own right. This is because they all involve two people who have been lucky enough to find each other in this life.
For further updates please check out the following sites:
http://paulmarkhopwood.blogspot.com
www.twitter.com/hoppers163
Rules:
Once you've been tagged, write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.... Blah blah blah....(Ps. I copied this intro from various other posts - the views reflected in it do not necessarily reflect the views of Paul Hopwood. Anything that suggests otherwise is purely coincidental)
1) I have four platonic friendships. Two are with males and two are with females. Three of the people do not even know that they are on the list and the fourth is not aware of who the other three are.
2) Contrary to mass popular belief, chess is not my favourite hobby. I somewhat prefer to play 9-ball pool. I watched 'The Colour of Money' as a kid and was bowled over by the sheer adrenalin rush that can result from the game. The possibility of playing eight consecutive excellent shots and blowing it all by a slight mistake on the ninth is something that I find supremely exciting.
3) I have an adopted teenage son called 'Snuffles' who is a Dragon that I 'acquired' whilst on a school holiday in Wales in 1993. He has just sat his GCSE mocks and I am proud to say that he got significantly better results than I did. His knowledge of all matters relating to thermodynamics is incredible...
4) Despite my supposedly 'legendary calmness'; numerous medical professionals have suggested that my method of using significant quantities of my nervous energy to keep calm when under stress MIGHT not ALWAYS be such a good idea. Therefore all those people who wish they had my temperament may like to think that in fact they MIGHT have the right approach to life after all!
5) I am very proud of being English, but sadly as the years pass I can come up with less reasons as to why that is.
6) For sheer wisdom; I wish I was Indian or Chinese. Virtually every person I have ever met from these two countries has had wisdom far beyond their years, whether they were nine or ninety. As a teenager I was regularly told that I was 'fourteen going on forty', but being English that would make me 'The One-Eyed Man'...
7) From my psychology degree the most important lesson I learnt was that in life there is rarely a big difference between people; there are mainly small but significant ones. For instance, when I did a work placement in a psychiatric hospital; I worked with clients with borderline personality disorder. These were people who had such sensitive emotions that whenever something bad happened, no matter how small, they would slide into anger and depression. I learnt that the only difference between myself and them was that whenever something bad happened to me: I was able to get a rational thought in before reacting to the emotional impulse.
8) I invariably cry at any romantic movie I enjoy. The record so far is seven times during a Bollywood movie called 'Kal Ho Naa Ho'. In this movie the lead character has a heart-related problem; and five days later I collapsed with pericarditis! The moral of that story is don't watch such heart-wrenching movies three days before your Statistics exam...
9) The basic influence of 'The psychology of numbers' has always concerned me. Many times when I have run into a serious problem in life; it is because the majority believe that they are right for no other reason than the fact that they are the majority.
10) Further to the previous point, there is a slight variation where the majority think they are right (as opposed to what one person knows) because of stereotypical thinking. Humour aside, stereotypical thinking is lazy; because instead of thinking of someone as an individual, a stereotype can be used by a person to do the thinking for him or her.
11) My favourite saying is that of La Rochefacould - "We possess more strength than will and we consider things to be beyond out strength, merely to justify ourselves in our own eyes". In other words, people know that they could do things better and there is no good reason why they shouldn't. Instead they make up excuses for themselves not doing so. That's why as far as possible I try and improve myself; and don't make excuses for my shortcomings. I firmly believe that the points 9-11 inclusive hold the key to a potentially much better world.
12) I am agnostic in the scientific sense; in other words I am unsure as to whether nature was created naturally or supernaturally. I have read the key texts of three main Monotheisms (cue indignant responses as to what they are!) and was unable to find one shred of evidence to convince me as to why I should even consider the possibility of their particular definition of 'God' (cue more indignant responses!).
13) As a caveat to the previous point; I follow the George Carlin Theory that if there is a God then they must be a man, because no woman would have ever messed existence up so badly.
14) My byword is 'objectivity' - flows quite reasonably from some of the previous points methinks!
15) Given that I tend to be far better at something than I need to be, or not good enough; I intend to call my autobiography (oh, delusions of grandeur!) something like 'Searching for the Middle Ground'. Fortunately I was blessed with an ability to learn very quickly; and so I can usually transfer attributes from the latter to the former quite quickly. The notable exception to this is my ability to play squash, which despite a whole year of regular practice; remained fantastically mediocre.
16) Beauty is a subjective matter in any form: For me the greatest type of physical beauty is that of the natural variety - people who are truly beautiful and that is the way that nature intended them to look, with no artificial aids. I have only ever come across three people who adequately fulfil this definition.
17) IMO the greatest type of internal beauty is that of people who possess an open, honest and engaging personality. As well as this, they adhere to my favourite (and as far as I can see most accurate) definition of general intelligence; namely someone who is fully aware of the extent of their ignorance in this life. Once again I have met very few people who fit this definition; and it is no surprise to me that most of them are not English (see point 6)!
18) I consider myself incalculably lucky that my partner fits into the definitions given in points 16 and 17.
19) In my experience, Emotional Intelligence is the one quality that people think they possess in abundance; when in actual fact it is the one attribute of personality that they are significantly lacking.
20) I am firm believer in the overall superiority of the female race. I was fairly well sold on the idea before my psychology degree; and upon completion of it I was convinced. I will duly supply some evidence:
a) On average females are born with two billion more brain cells (14 as opposed to 12); b) faster and greater maturity in very early childhood and overall throughout adolescence; c) right from the moment of conception the female zygote is outperforming the male version - all foetuses are female up to the age of 12 weeks, until the male 'y' chromosone does or doesn't kick in; d) Female intuition - I am very proud of my own intuition, but my personal experience with this particular female attribute has left me under no illusions that I am a distinct second best.
There are many other points, but the above form the crux of my reasoning.
21) However, there is a caveat to the previous point that very few people have picked up on. The caveat is that the words 'on average' need to be included in the equation. A high-performing male can surpass an under-performing female.
22) I truly wish that I had a talent, or even just an ability, that wasn't cognitive/cerebral. Having played chess for over 14 years; one point that has always struck me as rather sad is that I can only share the internal joy of the game with fellow chess players. Witnessing my partner's sister play the piano was what really brought this point home to me. Even though I cannot play a musical instrument, I could still appreciate the ability that was on display.
23) Further to the previous point, I don't believe that my cognitive capabilities are exceptional talents. For instance, my ability to calculate large numbers in my head involves the same basic mathematical functions that everyone I know has been taught. The small but significant difference is simply that I practiced them more at an early age.
24) I have a collection of nicknames; the primary one being Hoppers, which I have had since starting school. Over the years I have been christened with various other sobriquets: Chessy/IQ/TWTD (The Walking Talking Dictionary)/The Posh Yorkshireman. The latest one is 'Paro', after a character in a Bollywood movie who calculated how long her love was away from her in various units of time.
25) I make it one of my goals in life to keep putting across various messages that I believe to be of utmost importance. The first (in line with previous points) is that not knowing is fine, but ignorance is not. As far as is reasonably possible I will point ignorance out; and fully expect to have my own pointed out. The second is that as a rule stereotypical thinking is fundamentally a bad idea. Finally, relationships on whatever level (love/platonic/friendship) are all to be treasured in their own right. This is because they all involve two people who have been lucky enough to find each other in this life.
For further updates please check out the following sites:
http://paulmarkhopwood.blogspot.com
www.twitter.com/hoppers163
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Survival
I managed to complete both my assignments that I had been given extensions for. Due to the state of my health neither piece of work was anywhere near the quality that I wanted it to be. With regards to the essay, this was a major frustration; because being given a chance to write for two of the most famous psychologists in the world was a fantastic opportunity.
The critical analysis that I handed in is more of a worry than a frustration. Having never written one before; there is the usual element of fear of the unknown. After the disappointment of my stats exam results; I managed to quickly bring myself to realise that my Masters course is now going to be a matter of survival. The chance of getting a distinction has gone, but a Masters Degree is (hopefully) better than no Masters.
The critical analysis that I handed in is more of a worry than a frustration. Having never written one before; there is the usual element of fear of the unknown. After the disappointment of my stats exam results; I managed to quickly bring myself to realise that my Masters course is now going to be a matter of survival. The chance of getting a distinction has gone, but a Masters Degree is (hopefully) better than no Masters.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tweeting - The ideal complimentary service!
The title of my blog is relatively self-explanatory. For those who wish for a little more depth; I will elaborate a little further. I had toyed with the idea of writing a diary for a long time. However, I never found a 'solution' to the 'problem' of having to write something every day. As a result this blog was created and given a title.
But what about any gaps, i.e. when I do have something relatively straightforward to say, but don't consider it anything special to a wider audience? The answer, as so often in my life, was provided by Stephen Fry...
I saw a video of his extolling the virtues of 'Twitter' and after a few minutes of contemplation, I signed up.
Now you can find me tweeting at http://twitter.com/hoppers163
But what about any gaps, i.e. when I do have something relatively straightforward to say, but don't consider it anything special to a wider audience? The answer, as so often in my life, was provided by Stephen Fry...
I saw a video of his extolling the virtues of 'Twitter' and after a few minutes of contemplation, I signed up.
Now you can find me tweeting at http://twitter.com/hoppers163
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Roger and Rafa
What have I done to deserve the privilege of watching such a phenomenal sporting rivalry? I have watched all seven of their Grand Slam finals; and to witness all of these chapters has been to watch the finest one-on-one sporting contests of my lifetime.
There are so many details that simply leave me awe-struck. After seeing Federer's tears today, the main one is to wonder how when they put so much pressure on each other; they don't psychologically break down under the strain.
What I also like is the fact that they can be such great friends and still produce such fearsome rivalry. When McEnroe and Connors played; they needed no help to fire themselves up to beat the other guy. With Roger and Rafa, they have to start from cold and get themselves up to working temperature.
I sincerely hope that one day a DVD is released of their matches; indeed last years Wimbledon final deserves one of it's own for my money. I also sincerely hope that there are many more chapters to come. Federer may be hurting now, but he still has the time and ability to equal/surpass Sampras's Grand Slam record. What would make it even sweeter would be if he could beat Nadal in doing so; and if he could do it at the French...
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